Angry People Angry You?
A contibuted article courtesy of Jennifer Roslind, Halifax, Nova Scotia.
Have you ever noticed that some people tend to get far angrier than others? Why do people tend to show their bad side rather than their good side? Of course despite what we may like to think, everyone has a bad side and a good side. Depending on who you are, you may see one disproportionately more than the other.
Some people just seem born grumpy and angry, however, there usually is something in their life that drives them in this way.
Those whose anger problems aren’t always aggressive; in fact, passive-aggressive people will only show a few people their bad side.
You may know someone as one of the kindest persons around, and yet someone else will see just how uncontrollable he or she is or can be. This is because some people redirect their anger in specific ways or towards specific people.
In studying anger management, you will learn about how you redirect your anger. If something at work upsets you and you seem fine and calm at the office and then go home and bust up the china, you are in fact redirecting your anger. You may well be taking it out on someone else too. The bad part of redirecting your anger is that you aren’t telling the source that they have done something to anger you and it is important that you address this. Avoiding the source is one barrier you need to overcome by learning techniques that will help you approach the issue effectively.
When you redirect your anger you are releasing your feelings, but you are building animosity towards the source, when you do that, you keep building and add to your anger to the point of exploding and of course this is not good for you or anyone else for that matter.
It is sometimes claimed that some people will get annoyed faster than others because of some genetic defect over which they have absolutely no control - that my friend (in case you have come across this) is of course, absolute nonsense.
There are many ways of taking control of your life and one option open to you would be to enroll in an Anger Management class or alternatively take a self study program if at this stage you would prefer not to engage in one to one discussion about your issues.
By studying anger management techniques you will focus on your triggers and help yourself to realize what is acceptable and what emotions and actions are unacceptable.
Anger management is not about changing the person, it is about helping the person to understand and diffuse their individual trigger mechanisms in a way that will assist them in acheiving moderate patterns of behaviour.
So, Anger management is about helping a person understand why they do what they do.
The process will also teach people relaxation tips so that they don’t allow someone or some thing to push them over the edge in the first place. By improving levels of relaxation you place your trigger points that much further away.
Many people say that management classes is like going through rehab, which is in a way correct, but you must remember if you don’t want to relapse you have to want to change while learning how to change as you continue to make progress.
Anger Management techniques are more than just theory, they have helped numerous people fix their marriage, their work relationships and their lives.
Anger management techniques do have to be used everyday of your life although their use soon becomes a natural mostly subconscious process once fully understood and firmly established.
By making a committment to the process of Anger Management you cannot 'lose it' tomorrow because you were good and 'controlled yourself' today. Excuses are simply not part of the process, so be prepared to work toward acheiving a permanent state of balance and don't expect to acheive this overnight. Be realistic! Your current position took time to evolve, it will take time to normalise too.
Anger is not something people are born with but rather the result of a combination of 'life events' that over time drive us toward angry behaviour and as such it will take time to counteract it's effects.
With appropriate material, most everyone can gain the level of understanding that will take them along the road to a more balanced set of emotional responses. The first part is recognising the problem and taking the decision to do something about it, and for your own sake as much as that of others. I hope this short article was useful to you.
If you find yourself in a situation similar to the one I was once in, then I would recommend you take a close look at the main material I used following my initial research. I found JJ Coopers approach and support exercises (see resources) to be a great help and have no hesitation in recommending them. He has a FREE article series and his products are quite inexpensive too.
Recommended Resource: JJ Cooper is the author of 'Anger Management regaining control of your life' which is available in Book and Audio formats.